Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Stay Calm & Carry On...?

*Disclaimer: this post is going to make me sound like a complete whack job. Please don't call CPS or Fox Mulder, as I am NOT about too put on a foil cap and stand on the street corner preaching the end of the world. I just had a little trouble sleeping last night as these thoughts kept racing through my head...

At 3:45 this morning when Sailor Man's alarm went off, my eyes shot open - which never happens. I usually wake up and I am able to fall back to sleep very quickly, but this morning I was wide awake. As we prepare to transfer to a new ship and a new set of everything, we've learned of possible Deployment times. And for some reason at 4am my mind decided to focus on 1 particular date.

I try, really really try, not to buy into any of the "end of the world" idea's, but I'll be totally honest: 12-21-12 scares me. There is a part of me that is hoping and praying that Sailor Man is not deployed on that date - just in case. And I realized last night that he might be gone at that time. I figure Goose and I will most likely be with family for the holiday's so we wouldn't be home but where would Sailor Man be?

Then I started thinking about everything happening in the world today, and I genuinely got freaked out. I'm talking breathing heavily almost full blown panic attack - at 4am. Idea's and thoughts were buzzing in my head about what would happen if I had to get get home, if we had to leave San Diego to get to our families. How long does gas store in those red containers? I was thinking.. on a full tank we can make it about 1/2 way home, maybe a little further. BUT I'm guessing if it is in the end of the world gas prices are going to be more than we can afford so if I bought gas now, how long would it store for? If we could only get 1/2 way home, what about the other 200+ miles? Would we need to walk? Goose would not walk that far so we need to invest in a wagon. What about sleeping? Should we pack our camping gear? OK we pack our camping gear. What about food? We have some food storage but not a whole lot, we'll be eating a lot of beans and rice.

So OK.. in our car/wagon we have us, clothes, camping gear, food storage... and water? Water is freaking heavy! Then the thought crossed my mind of a hand cart. We could build a nice large wagon where Goose could sit when she can't walk, and have all our stuff... right? So we drive as far as we can and then walk with our handcart... and camp when we can. I'm hoping it wouldn't take us more than 2 days, less is ideal.

But it wouldn't be all our stuff, how would you choose what to bring with you? What is most important to you? I don't know. I'd want to take all my pictures of course, but what about the little things? Things that have sentimental value to us but maybe are silly and useless to you?

I try to make myself believe that I have enough faith to get through what we might need to get through, but I have a serious fear of not having enough faith to do it. It's something I'm going to work on, because as of right this moment, I am not strong enough. I am scared. As I stated before, I try not to buy into it, but sometimes it's hard not to listen and realize how unprepared you are. I want to work on getting our food/water storage up, get some gas stored I guess, make sure our camping gear is in order, invest in a wagon, build a hand cart, and maybe hide a stash of cash?

End of craziness. Don't judge me


Sarah said...

Sounds like you just had a bit of anxiety today. Totally normal, especially with an upcoming deployment and all the things you have going on right now. I wouldn't really read too much into it yet. :)

♥ Elizabeth said...

Well, you know how I feel about this- we need to be ready for what God has in store for us. I have 3,000 miles to go to get home- that's a scary thought. With my grandmom coming out, I have really been battling the idea of what if this is the last time I get to see her? I mean, she's 76, what happens if I don't get to her bedside before she passes?! What happens if the next 6 weeks are the last? Not to mention radiation and are we close enough to Japan and why won't the govenrment tell us the truth and do pills really work?

I think adding the fear of deployment (or in my case dealing with it and not having my rock here with me) magnifies it. Your Lord will save you. You are one of His children and He will not give us anything we can't handle. Remember this when times are tough and try to let the calm wash over you- hard as it may be at times.

Oh, and remember I have plenty of tuna :)

Allie said...

I have so been there. Seriously.

For awhile it was Ryan's favorite topic. What would we do if the world ended? Would I fight by his side if need be?

I did an entry on it back in October, feel free to look!

Sara Mac said...

Interesting. . .can I attach a link to your post on my blog in the future. . .you've got me thinking about doing a similar End of the World theme!

holli said...

I freak out about this on a weekly basis. I keep thinking that I just want to see my girls get married. While I dont think it is the end in the biblical sense I do think it it will be the begining of the end. Something in the earth will shift, as it is already. But all we can do is put our faith in where we think it should lie.
I have faith that whatever may be I will go with God. It gives me a peace of mind to think of something so amazing, but at teh same time I pray that it is just a hype and I have more time here on earth. Its a scary thought though so the panic isnt crazy!

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