I confess that I feel like a failure as a woman. I confess that I feel like a failure as a wife. I confess that I want to curl up on the couch and cry. I confess that I can't seem to stop crying.
I started clomid this month. I found out I ovulated this month on Wednesday. I started my period this morning.
What are we doing wrong? Why can't we have more babies? What is wrong with me?
I confess that I always thought I would be done with having children by 30, having 4 or 5 by then. I confess that it never even occurred to me that there could be problems. Even if I get pregnant next month, Goose will be 5 when the baby comes. I will be almost 27.
I confess that I need to lose weight. I know I do, you know I do. So what is my problem? I don't know that either. I confess that I've been thinking that maybe we should put off baby trying for the summer and see if I can lose weight, and go back to it in September. I confess that I wish there was a magic pill I could take and all my weight problems would be gone in the morning.
I confess that I'm not ready for Sailor Man to go to his new ship and return to "regular Navy hours". I confess that it's been really nice having him home most afternoons. I confess that I might cry the first time he goes back to work. I confess that being on the FRG scares me, I don't want to be that FRG.
I confess that I will most likely be spending this wonderful weekend crying on the couch. I confess that I know how pathetic I sound, but right now -- I don't care. I confess that these last couple weeks have been crazy emotionally draining. I confess that I think a good cry is exactly what I need.