Friday, June 10, 2011

I confess: Fat Friday

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and I'm putting it together with another blog hop I'm interested in doing....






I confess this is me. All of me. I confess that this is the heaviest I've ever been in my life. I confess that when I saw the scale this morning, I got choked up. I confess that I am ashamed.

How did this happen? I confess that I don't know. I confess that I love food. I love everything about it, taste, texture, preparation...I confess that I turn to food in times of emotional highs and lows. I confess that I don't have the proper tools to deal with said highs and lows.

I confess that I feel like I don't fit in with my own family because of my weight. I confess that I feel people judge Sailor Man when we're out because of my weight. I confess that I feel like I would be better liked by people if I were skinnier.

I confess that my weight has held me back in many aspects of my life. I confess that I'm afraid our fertility issues are all my fault, because of my weight. I confess that that thought sends me into a panic, and I have the need to go get something to eat.

I confess that this vacation has been very nice so far. Sailor Man has been very glad to see his family, and I confess that I am grateful for the break and help with Goose. I confess, however, that I've gained about 5 pounds since we've been home.

I confess that I don't even know to begin changing my habits. I confess that I'm afraid of failure. I confess that I  know that when I hard point I'll give up.

I confess that this has been one of the hardest things I've had to post. I confess that exposing myself like this, has me very scared of what people will say or think.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

I confess that I think you are awesome. I confess that you are one of the kindest people ever. I confess I think you have an awesome amount of courage for being so honest.

~Sandra

Anonymous said...

You are so brave!!!! When I read your post it felt like I was reading my own thoughts and words. I have been having fertility issues as well. We have been trying since October with no luck. I mean like come on I didn’t even try for Soleil and now that I am in a place where I want another child it isn’t going right….uggggg I won’t go and see the Doctor because I know what she will say..she will say “it is your weight” and I don’t want to hear that. Doctors make people more depressed when they say stuff like that. Yeah the truth hurts but I already know what I am and I don’t need anyone to reminded me  It is so awesome that you are putting yourself out there on your blog, it is inspiring!!!

Photina said...

You are inspiring for putting it out there! I won't even tell my husband what my weight is, let a lone posting it in bloggy world. You are a strong, awesome woman. You can do this!

tinykate said...

I think it's awesome that you had enough courage to put yourself out there-it's not easy for any of us to do.

I don't know you well (other than through reading your blog), so the suggestion I have is based on my own experiences and trying to give you another option, and I hope you don't take offense to it. Have you thought about seeing a counselor/therapist? It sounds like you could use someone to help you stay on track with some of your goals, as well as have someone to talk to about how you're feeling on a lot of things. I know that when I started seeing a therapist it helped, and also helped me uncover some reasons for why certain things were happening in my life.

I wish you the best of luck, and again, I think you're awesome for putting yourself out there!

Enjoying These Moments said...

I am SO proud of you for putting it out there!! I know ALL those feelings. I know exactly how you feel-- especially the fertility questions...how I have let my weight dictate whether we have children... ugh!
PS- your package should be there soon!! They said 5-7 days!

Kat said...

You ROCK for putting all of this out there. I too am unhappy with my weight, but as I'm currently pg, not much I can do to lose, except try not to gain much.

There will be hard parts and everyone has a "failure" day, you just have to remember that just because one meal wasn't the best, you can/will do better on the next, etc. One thing at a time.

Pamela said...

I confess that I am standing right next to you, and the reflection staring back at me is also one that makes me ashamed. I did so well last summer but I am afraid to get on the scales because I fear I have put most of the weight back on. Nothing in my closet fits. I am going to try again and if you would like to join me, I'll be your buddy. It's a tough road we're on, but it's less tough when you have someone next to you. Let me know. We can e-mail back and forth if you prefer.

Jenny and James said...

First off if someone doesn't want to like you or be your friend because of your weight it's their loss! You are a sweetheart! I weigh about the same amount as you do Sarah. If you ever want a buddy to talk to about it you can always call/text me. I really need to get my but in gear too. Maybe we could help motivate each other. Love ya!

Amber said...

Congrats on putting yourself out there, that's a huge thing. Not something to be ashamed of at all!

Anyone who judges or chooses to not know you based on your weight isn't worth knowing anyway. Their loss.

I'm with you on all of the food points you've made. I'm still having a difficult time with seeing food as a fuel source and not as a love affair, I worry that I won't ever change my views of it.

One step at a time, you'll get there, one step at a time. :)

Cruz said...

Go out and get The Paleo Solution by Robb Wolf. The BEST 24.95 you will ever spend.

Mamarazzi said...

you are unbelievably awesome for doing this. i think it is beautiful that you are opening yourself up like this. i feel like you are going to touch many lives by being so honest and genuine...you have touched me. you are brave and you are beautiful and i really admire that.

THANK YOU for linking up!!

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