Loss: 1.7 pounds
Total since last weigh in: 1.7 pounds
Total overall loss: 1.7 pounds
I know it's been 2 weeks since I weighed in, but I confess that I didn't even start trying until I got home. I confess that I am happy with a loss of one pound. I confess that it puts a smile on my face to know that just by changing how I'm eating, I'm losing weight! I confess that it's actually a little fun to see how much food you get, or don't get, when you measure it out to the right serving size!
I confess that I had a mini-heart attack yesterday when I checked our bank account. I confess that we are not rich by any means, but we always make it by pay check to pay check. Well as I looked at our account, I confess that I had an anxiety attack in my living room. Someone had gotten our account information and made a $600 withdrawal in Orlando FL. I confess that I tried to call Sailor Man first with out really even thinking about calling the bank. I confess that I was not the most articulate person when it came to actually talking to someone. I confess that I was so flustered and shaky, I think the person on the phone thought I was on crack. Thankfully, it will be taken care of in a few days and everything will go on as normal, but I confess that I am so scared of using our cards again!
I confess that I am writing this in the middle of the night. Because, I confess, something is weighing on my mind. I confess that I don't know if it's because of the emotional toll the whole bank thing took, or if something is wrong. I confess that I can't place my finger on the exact reason... but I confess that I have my suspicions.
So here it goes...*deep breath*...I confess that I don't have a lot of friends here. We've lived here nearly a year, and there are only a handful of people I would consider friends, and none of them, I confess, are great friends. I confess that it is driving me absolutely crazy. I am not overly bubbly and outgoing like my younger sister, but I am definitely not a shy person. I confess that in high school it was definitely easy for me to make friends, but now it just seems so hard. I confess that I feel like the geek in high school following the "popular" girls around, just to be caught in their "cool bubble".
I confess that I feel like I don't fit the "military wife"norm. I go to the FRG meetings, the base, the park in our housing complex, and even the pool, and I confess that I feel completely intimidated by them. They're thin, perfect hair, perfect makeup in their Gap outfits, and I confess that I waddle in with my hair in a bun, make up melting off, in my walmart clearance section clothes and I confess that I look at them and tear up inside. I confess that I'm not perfect, I'm just me. Sailor Man loves me for who I am, and I know that 100%, but I confess that I don't love me for who I am, even 50%.
I confess that I want to love me for who I am, but I don't know how. I confess that I envy those who have self confidence in themselves. I confess that it makes me shut down when I'm in big crowds, because I confess, I feel like people are judging my weight, my acne, my split end hair.. not who I am. I confess that it makes it hard for me to let people in.
I confess that I'm generally a very happy person. I confess that I've battled depression over the years, but I've been able to beat it. My dad once told me "I feel like you lost some hands in the game of life, and that has battered your self confidence". I confess that I never really understood what he meant until tonight. I confess I was laying in bed listening to my rain machine when a tear rolled down my cheek. I confess that I don't want to be that unhappy person, because I know in my heart that's not who I am. I am a diamond in the rough, and I confess that while I'm working on buffing out the edges, I am still beautiful. I am wonderful. I am amazing. I am worthy!
I confess that I feel really bad :( I sent Mamarazzi some Scentsy products in exchange for ad space, and the bars I sent melted in the package. I froze them before I sent them in hopes that that wouldn't happen.
I confess that I am beyond super annoyed with blogger - pictures wont upload, blogs I subscribe to disappear, google reader isn't working, comments disappear, sometimes I can't even log in! I confess that I've been thinking of making the change to wordpress, but I confess I'm scared of moving. I'm scared of losing followers, posts, comments, pictures...everything. Does that make me lame?