Thursday, June 7, 2012

Never say...

A couple weeks ago I read an article entitled "What not to say to a Military Wife". I read it, thought it over, and over, and over, and there are just a few things that really bother me.

 "At least he's not in Iraq." OR the one I get most because he's in the Navy is "At least he's on a ship sailing in circles around the ocean". You're right, he's not in Iraq or Afghanistan, but he does go to hostile area's, they are still doing dangerous missions, and he is away from his family and loved ones. And you're right, he's not on the ground but many people don't realize the missions the men and women do at sea. Have you ever heard of a Minesweeper? Not the game, it's an actual ship. They sweep the sea floor for enemy mines. Yeah. I'm sure most of you heard that the USS Carl Vinson was responsible for the body of Osama Bin Laden after his death, you don't think the families of those sailors feared retaliation? How about the USS Dubuque taking down a group of Pirates without firing a single shot?

{from a different article}  "How do you feel about the war, President, the situation?" I never discuss politics -- ever. I will not tell you what my opinion is on any of those topics, please don't ask me. And definitely don't ask me how I feel about the President, it doesn't matter if I love him or I hate him, he is my husbands boss. It doesn't matter what I think.

This is the one I hate the most, and not for the question, but for the answers and reactions military wives give to it

"My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you're going through." I see this a lot on military "support" pages on facebook. I can really appreciate that it might irk you that they are comparing a trip to Paris to your husband being in the line of fire, but I think people get irritated because military wives seem to think that nobody knows what "I miss you" means unless they're a military wife. Sailor Man and I were married for 5 years before he joined, he spent 2 weeks away from me and it was the hardest 2 weeks for me (to that point in our marriage). I missed him terribly, he was not with me or Goose, and I missed him. I was elated when we picked him up from the airport and he was back in my arms. Now that we're in the Navy life, I have a deeper understanding of how much a person can miss a person. But the actual missing part is no different. I ache for my husband the same as I did when he was gone for 2 weeks. I am elated to have him home and sad to see him go. Just because you're a military wife doesn't make you more entitled to miss your loved one. I think what upsets me is people get so upset with civilian girlfriends or wives when they say how much they miss their loved ones when they're gone. Why can't you just be supportive? Why does it have to turn into a pissing match?

*These are my personal opinions.


Christina said...

Amen, I agree- especially with your last point.
This kind of touched on what I wrote about a while back

Whitney @ Everything Happens For a Reason said...

I totally agree especially with your last point. Like if someone (civilian or not) is away from their significant other for a short period of time, they can still miss them. Just because someone is gone a year doesn't mean that person misses them more or should put down others. Civilian or not, missing someone is missing someone. It doesn't need to be a contest.

Elisabeth said...

I also agree with the entire post and am equally irritated with the reaction of military spouses when it comes to their civilian friends and families. When you love your significant other, going through a separation is hard whether your military or civilian. Military spouses should be the most understanding and supportive at these times.
I've had a girlfriend tell me how much she missed her husband when he was away for a week long business trip and I was immediately sympathetic to her feelings. I was there for her, because I've been there.
Whether it's a week, six months or a year (or longer), separation is hard, especially on kids and we, as military spouses can be supportive and share our own experiences to help them out. I know that is how I would like to be treated.
Thanks for the great post.

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