Wednesday, February 6, 2013

going...going...

...Not gone. This is an unbelievably hard post to write. This is making me very vulnerable, but I really feel that I need to write this. For myself, if someone gets something out of it great. This is uncomfortable, but if I can't be honest, then I may never get past my wall.

My resolution for the new year, as well as my goal for Sailor Man's deployment was to lose weight. Let me tell you, this is no small feat. I weigh a lot. The day I gave birth I weighed 280 pounds. TWO HUNDRED EIGHTY POUNDS. That is the heaviest I'd ever been in my life. I was disgusted with myself. I mean, granted I was carrying a baby and I was 9 months pregnant, but still.

I'd made the decision to join Weight Watchers because I had success with it at the beginning of the year. Let me be honest, starting a weight loss journey during the holidays was a huge mistake. I set myself up for failure. I did not do well at all over the holidays.

So then I decided the new year was a good time to start again. Ugh. I was wrong again. I am really struggling this go around. I have a goal and I know why I need to do it, but getting around my own self control has been very difficult for me to conquer.

I am down 21 pounds from when I gave birth, but I am still so far from my goal. I feel discouraged with myself. I feel like I've let myself down. I've had 3 months to lose weight, and 21 pounds is where I am?

I started Weight Watchers again on Friday. I weighed in at 259. I set a new goal, started fresh, and designed a new routine.

Today was my first day of a new routine where I got outside to walk. Walking outside, breathing in the fresh air, it really helped me to recenter and focus. While walking a woman passed us. On her way back she stopped me and said "You motivated me to get out here. I was sitting in my car talking myself out of walking when you pulled up, pulled out your two kids, a stroller and her scooter and you started walking. I thought, if she can do it so can I." That made me feel an unbelievable amount of pride. I was doing it, someone noticed and I helped them. 

Here's to a new start. Don't look back, only forward. 



7 comments:

Christina said...

Keep it up Pretty lady! You've got this! Don't let the number on the scale bring you down. Go by how you feel. :)

Mrs. Gambizzle said...

21lbs down is nothing to be ashamed of hun! That's a really good start! A lot of people don't even get that far before they just give up. <3 Keep at it girl, it takes time but you will definitely get there!!

The Wristen Family said...

21 lbs is 21 lbs! You got this. The number on the scale is just that: a number. What matters more is your drive to strive for a healthier you!!! Way to go and keep it up. Do not fear failure for in failure we find our true selves and we can learn from it. In getting back up and continuing with the good fight we learn that we are actually stronger than we thought!

Alia said...

21 pounds is amazing!! You can do it!

Britt Dill said...

21 pounds is pretty darn awesome if you ask me! I love going for walks. To me its a great time to think and just relax all while burning some calories! You can do this lady!

Greta said...

Keep it up! Your amount of motivation is amazing, and is making me think of starting my own routine.

Bit of Blue Sky said...

Remember that everyone's weight loss journey has to start somewhere! Losing 21lbs is an amazing start too! I hear great things about Weight Watchers and how its not just a diet, it teaches you how to eat for the rest of your life. Keep up the good work :)

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