...Not gone. This is an unbelievably hard post to write. This is making me very vulnerable, but I really feel that I need to write this. For myself, if someone gets something out of it great. This is uncomfortable, but if I can't be honest, then I may never get past my wall.
My resolution for the new year, as well as my
goal for Sailor Man's deployment was to lose weight. Let me tell you, this is
no small feat. I weigh a lot. The day I gave birth I weighed 280 pounds.
TWO HUNDRED EIGHTY POUNDS. That is the heaviest I'd ever been in my
life. I was disgusted with myself. I mean, granted I was carrying a baby
and I was 9 months pregnant, but still.
I'd made the
decision to join Weight Watchers because I had success with it at the
beginning of the year. Let me be honest, starting a weight loss journey
during the holidays was a huge mistake. I set myself up for failure. I
did not do well at all over the holidays.
So then I
decided the new year was a good time to start again. Ugh. I was wrong
again. I am really struggling this go around. I have a goal and I know
why I need to do it, but getting around my own self control has been
very difficult for me to conquer.
I am down 21 pounds
from when I gave birth, but I am still so far from my goal. I feel
discouraged with myself. I feel like I've let myself down. I've had 3
months to lose weight, and 21 pounds is where I am?
I started Weight Watchers again on Friday. I weighed in at 259. I set a new goal, started fresh, and designed a new routine.
was my first day of a new routine where I got outside to walk. Walking
outside, breathing in the fresh air, it really helped me to recenter and
focus. While walking a woman passed us. On her way back she stopped me
and said "You motivated me to get out here. I
sitting in my car talking myself out of walking when you pulled up,
pulled out your two kids, a stroller and her scooter and you started
walking. I thought, if she can do it so can I." That made me feel an
unbelievable amount of pride. I was doing it, someone noticed and I
Here's to a new start. Don't look back, only forward.