Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Rewind 365

This is a cute super fun new link up! I love this idea.

SO what was happening 365 days ago?

I can't remember. I went back on my blog and I had nothing posted, but reading previous posts got me athinkin. This was around the time I found out I was pregnant.

We had started trying for another baby when Goose was about 1 years old. We always knew we wanted a large family, I always knew I wanted to be a mommy. I never imagined having problems. Goose was a surprise (well, I hadn't been on birth control for about 6 months when it happened -- we weren't trying but not preventing). After a year with no results I started to feel frustrated. 2 years went by and still nothing. I was heartbroken every month when Aunt Flo made her appearance. I started to feel like a failure as a women, a wife, and a mother. I was questioning, crying, and hating. I hated that I couldn't do what women are designed to do. I was broken.

I was more than terrified when we went to the doctor and got a referral to see a specialist. I hated going through all the tests and paperwork. I hated hearing that aside from PCOS there wasn't any problems. I didn't understand, WHY? I was relieved, in a small part, that Sailor Mans count was just fine. We started Clomid, and let me tell you those side effects? Awful. I made the mistake of getting my hopes up every month, thinking "this is it" and it wasn't. 7 months of Clomid later we started our round of hormone therapy (when I say "our" I mean "I" and Sailor Man dealt with mood swings). I had to give myself shots, scary! We decided to take a break in February 2012 because Sailor Man was going to be gone with the ship all month and it seemed like a waste of hormone.

We had just purchased Disneyland year passes, and we were spending the weekend at the happiest place on earth. We were having an amazing weekend together as a family. Sailor Man had just come back from an underway and we love Disneyland. The first night we were there I had a dream I got a positive pregnancy test. I hadn't even missed a period and I wasn't feeling any different. I brushed it off. I told Sailor Man about the dream but we just went about our weekend like nothing changed.

On our way home, Sailor Man thought it would be a good idea to get a test "just in case". I scoffed and thought it was a waste of money. I took a test as soon as we got home, and imagine my entire shock when it was positive. I tossed and turned all night and first thing in the morning took another test, and another, and another. All positive. I was speechless. I was so beyond excited but so scared something was going to happen. However, when I went to the doctor to get confirmation, those tests came back negative. I spent the next 3 weeks doing blood tests every 4-6 days. I cried every day. I was so worried it was a false positive. How could I have gotten my hopes up? That was so silly of me.

Finally, in the last week or so of February 2012 we had a confirmation ultrasound with a heartbeat. I had a large lump in my throat as I waited eagerly to tell Sailor Man. We waited to tell Goose because we weren't ready for the world to know, we wanted to wait until the end of the first trimester.

Goose had to go with me to one of my appointments, while we were in the room she saw a poster of a woman with a baby inside her belly. She turned her head, narrowed her eyes, and said "I knew it". That's how she found out. My parents knew early on because I was so anxious about the false positive I needed some support. All of our family were beyond excited for us. It was an amazing feeling being able to let them know we finally were expanding.

My announcement on Facebook was heartwarming. We were congratulated by friends and family from around the world.

Unfortunately for us, Baby S was going to be born while Sailor Man was deployed. This was a heartbreaking realization for all of us. I never imagined having to do this without him. He never imagined not being there. I moved home to stay with my family, to help me during this time.

On October 23, 4 years and 7 months after initially starting to try, Baby S was welcomed into this world with more people who love her. We were so lucky that his ship was in port the day she was born and we got to skype that day. Goose is an amazing big sister, she loves her sister and is always loving and hugging her.

I can not wait to be on that pier with my baby girls and welcome Sailor Man home with open arms.


Heather said...

Wow! Your story is so similar to mine! We did everything too, tried over a year, had the hubby's soldiers checked, I went on clomid...etc. Then with baby number two, it happened by accident. How crazy huh?!

Thanks for linking up and sharing your story. This meme will definitely be fun for you to back track thru all your pregnancy, then your baby's first year! How exciting!

Heather from Mommy Only Has 2 Hands

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