Friday, March 8, 2013

learning to let go...


“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”
Ann Landers


I decided late last year that 2013 was going to be a year of learning to let go, to move on from things I've been holding onto. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. Learning to purge my life of the unnessecaries I continue to hold onto.

Physically it means losing the weight. It means really trying for that healthy weight. It means Cleaning out junk from the house (this will be easier when we move - one of the only things I enjoy about moving!).

Mentally and emotionally are the hardest for me. It's hard for me to learn to let go of the "should have", "could have", "what if's".  Those thoughts will always be somewhere in the back of my mind, and they'll pop up at random times.

I need to let go of the regret I have for things not being done or said. To let go of the things I can not change. The things that I didn't get to do, people I didn't get to meet, or stories I didn't get to tell. 

I've been holding out hope of a friendship being rekindled. When I moved to San Diego she was one of the first friends I made. I believed we were kindred souls, we had many of the same idea's and thoughts. We had the same sense of humor. We hung out often and went on many adventures together. She helped me get out of my shell and explore the new city I was terrified of. We had had a falling out a few years ago and I learned early this morning that that won't happen, as I was blocked on Facebook. I had been attempting to engage her by liking posts and messaging her. I never got responses, which I was ok with. I knew she needed time. But, I think I went overboard and just pushed her away. It hurts. It was a rude awakening, but one I apparently needed. I had to truly go back and look at the events that transpired to our friendship demise. I own up to everything I did. I take responsibility for it not working after her attempt to make it work.

So to my once dear friend, I send out this final apology. I am sorry for the events that led to our severed ties. I am sorry for hurting you. I am sorry we are no longer friends. I am sorry.

Learning to let go is hard for someone with anxiety. Can I let go 100%? Not likely. There will always be traces of thoughts, questions, concerns, hurt. Have I done everything I could?

And so I turn my face to the sun. I soak in it's warm rays, take a deep breath and let it all go. 






 “The beautiful journey of today can only begin when we learn to let go of yesterday.”
― Steve Maraboli



1 comments:

AMY MICHELE said...

Sorry to hear about your loss of a friendship. I think you are on the right path to healing. I've got a to learn the same things .. letting go is a very hard thing to do. keep your head up. <3, amy

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